The first time I saw her...

I remember the day more clearly than I remember any day in my life. The day my daughter was born. It was a Sunday, I had spent the entire day in the hospital, see she wasn't due for a month, but complications had arisen, and an impending sense of 'something is about to happen' had been lurking all day. My wife had been admitted for complications that had arisen in an already harrowing pregnancy. But for some reason I was feeling like the patient.
We had been in the hospital all day, but it was only at 8:30 at night that we realized that my wife would have to deliver tonight...
After a lot of confusion, which included me threatening to beat up the Ultrasound Technician, It was decided to take my wife into the Operation theater at 10:40 pm, and the next hour was one of the toughest in my life...
I remember it like yesterday. Shonali's parents were the first to arrive, which was a relief to me, as I was really out of my depth there, but seeing her mother there, I knew there was someone in control of the situation, not just me and her father, two hulking lumps who knew best how to fret and fume, but were no good for anything else...
We waited in the hospital lobby, waiting for some semblance... through the little window in the operation theatre door, we could see staff urgently milling about, almost looking frantic... Suddenly the nurse came running out in a manner that I had only seen in movies prior to that day.
"Oxygen! Oxygen!" she screamed and the entire staff around the place started milling about, looking for an oxygen tank in places as ridiculous as under the reception desk... Until the same lady who had started the commotion, calmly entered a room and came out seconds later with the Oxygen tank. My father-in-law and I had three heart attacks each by that time. Even mummy looked a little fazed by that performance and moved an inch to the right in her seat.

I looked at the clock above the OT door. It was only 11:00 pm, to me it seemed like hours had passed. Unable to take anymore, I exited the Nursing Home and took my place outside, resting against the hood of my car, and finding a lookout point from where I could see exactly what was going on... Fifteen minutes and three cigarettes later, No news had been heard. Shonali's dad had joined me and pursued his own quest for tobacco with as much vigour as I had. Waiting, looking at the faces inside the nursing home, and trying to figure out what was going on. We didn't go inside, because we knew there would be no answers there.

It was at that time when my family entered the hospital. hugs were given, hands were shaken, but the general atmosphere was a mix of tension and happiness. After saying hi to everyone, I walked out again. This time, Father-in-law and I were joined by my brother, and instead of the anxiety being shared, it only seemed to increase...

And then, we saw some movement. It was 11:38, my sister, who was sitting inside ran towards the door, If I were to describe pure happiness, it was there, in her face...
"GB! I can hear the baby cry!" We threw our cigarettes and ran in, all three of us and I rushed and stood outside the OT door, my brother and sister on either side, and we waited. For what seemed like hours... and then I heard it. The purest, most beautiful sound in the world - "WAAAAAHHH!!!"
The most life changing sound in a man's life - My child crying. I don't know, why, but that sound made me cry... I was full of emotions, I was happy, It was a happiness and excitement I had never felt before... and as I learnt, my life was going to be rife with more of those excitements and joys like I had never had before moments with everything new my child did...
Anyway, the nurse, God bless her, saw my anxiety and came outside to tell me that I had a daughter.
Wow! a daughter... I had a daughter... an entity, a life that would call me Papa. It was too much to take in...

A few minutes later, the doctor brought her out... I saw my daughter for the first time. It was surreal...

My wife came out a few minutes later, Groggy from the Anaesthesia, and was wheeled to her room, Almost at that moment, It was like the nursing home erupted in a party. Family and friends all started pouring in at the same time... I remember being congratulated, being hugged, but I don't remember who did it! All I could think was of my daughter... I asked to see her, but they told me to wait... They were going to take her to the nursery, only then could I see her. I went out for a smoke... but realized that I had smoked ten cigarettes in the last hour... So I tossed my car keys to my brother and we went for a drive... I was still numb, and I tried to contemplate my life as I fished for the secret stash of cigarettes in my car...
After my head had suitably cleared, we went back to the hospital, I realized for the first time that It was now almost 2:00 am... My wife was still under and I had been up since 5:00 that morning.
I went and looked at my daughter one last time, I saw a reflection of my wife. I tried to make head or tail of how I would cope with the responsibility, I mean I was still a kid myself, I loved toys, and played playstation. Didn't fill in the log that my cheque book had! I didn't eat and sleep on time, I left things for the last minute... How was I going to do all that? I pondered over those thoughts and more as I took my place on the sofa next to my wife's bed.
And then, the magnanimity of the situation hit me...
I was a father, and I had the most beautiful daughter in the world... So what If i played video games, She would play with me from now on. So what if I dropped food on my clothes while I ate, We would do it together now... We were partners from now on, partners in crime...
And with those thoughts, I drifted off to sleep that night, the night I became a father.